New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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