I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
