This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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