Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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