Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
