hotel room ftw
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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