Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
