Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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