I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
