i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
