Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
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Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
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Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize