You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Are we still banned from the library?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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