Someone shit on the floor
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
