he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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