you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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