Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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