this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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