I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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