I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize