So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
