this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
