Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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