38 yer olds are good kisserssss
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
