hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
