How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
smell my finger.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Randomize
