I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
