STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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