Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Randomize
