Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
