guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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