We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
