it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
