I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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