Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
