the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Drunk is a universal language darling
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
