Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
