I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
