Swine flu is the new snow day.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
