halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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