If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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