the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
