I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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