She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
