I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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