u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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