Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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