Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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