i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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