my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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