Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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