I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
