xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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