I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
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