Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
