Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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