I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
