Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
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