Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
