I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
