I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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