Life is so much better after having sex.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
