Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
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You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
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An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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