im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
