My friends, they love my intelligence
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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