mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
