Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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