im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
