i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
