You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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