Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
