I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
