My first STD was from a foam party
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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