So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
