new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
pray to the hookup gods
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
