Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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