Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
