I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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