whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
